Friendships after a breakup can sometimes be healthy, especially if both people have moved on and there are clear boundaries. However, staying close to an ex can create tension, insecurity, and even emotional distance in a new relationship. If your partner is maintaining a friendship with their ex, you might wonder whether it’s truly innocent or if it could be jeopardizing your relationship. While trust is essential, there are certain behaviors that may indicate their connection with their ex is crossing the line.
In this article, we’ll explore key warning signs that your partner’s friendship with their ex may be putting your relationship at risk. Understanding these signs can help you determine whether it’s time for an open conversation or even a reevaluation of your relationship’s boundaries.
1. They Communicate Constantly
Occasionally checking in with an ex is understandable, especially if they parted on good terms. However, if your partner is in constant communication with their ex—texting, calling, or messaging throughout the day—it could be a red flag. Frequent communication suggests that their ex still holds a significant place in their life, which might make you feel like you’re competing for their attention. When someone is in a committed relationship, their primary emotional connection should be with their current partner. If your partner seems more excited about talking to their ex than spending quality time with you, it’s a sign that boundaries may need to be established.
2. They Hide Their Interactions With Their Ex
Secrecy is one of the biggest indicators that something isn’t right. If your partner is open about their friendship with their ex and has nothing to hide, they should have no problem mentioning when they’ve talked or met up. However, if they go out of their way to delete messages, lie about meeting their ex, or act defensive when you ask questions, it could mean that there’s something more going on. A healthy relationship is built on trust and transparency. If your partner feels the need to keep their conversations or meetings with their ex a secret, it’s important to address why they feel the need to hide it.
3. They Get Defensive When You Bring It Up
If you express concerns about their friendship with their ex and your partner immediately becomes defensive, dismissive, or even angry, it might indicate guilt or discomfort. A loving partner should be willing to listen to your feelings and offer reassurance. However, if they brush off your concerns as “jealousy” or accuse you of being insecure, they may be trying to avoid accountability. Open and honest communication is key in any relationship, and if your partner refuses to have a calm discussion about the issue, it may be because they know their friendship with their ex is inappropriate.
4. They Compare You to Their Ex
Being compared to an ex—whether in a positive or negative light—is never a good sign. If your partner frequently brings up their ex in conversations, it might mean they haven’t fully moved on. Statements like “My ex used to do this for me,” or “You remind me of [their ex] when you do that,” can make you feel like you’re being measured against someone from their past. A healthy relationship should focus on the present, not on constantly referencing old relationships. If your partner is making comparisons, it’s important to let them know that it makes you uncomfortable and that your relationship deserves to be valued on its own.
5. They Turn to Their Ex for Emotional Support Instead of You
In a committed relationship, your partner should see you as their primary source of emotional support. If they confide in their ex about their personal struggles, dreams, or major life events instead of turning to you, it’s a sign that their emotional connection with their ex is still strong. While friendships can provide support, their ex should not be the first person they turn to when they need advice or comfort. This can create an emotional wedge between you and your partner, making you feel excluded from their inner world. If your partner shares more with their ex than with you, it may be time to discuss how this affects your relationship.
6. They Spend More Time With Their Ex Than With You
Friendships require time and effort, but if your partner is spending more time with their ex than with you, it could be cause for concern. Whether they are constantly hanging out, going on outings together, or making excuses to see their ex, it may indicate that their priority isn’t fully on your relationship. Even if they claim they’re just friends, excessive time spent with an ex can blur emotional lines and create tension. A partner who values your relationship will make sure that you feel included and prioritized, not sidelined for their past.
7. Their Ex Still Acts Like They’re in a Relationship
How your partner’s ex behaves is just as important as how your partner responds. If their ex still treats them like they are together—flirting, making inappropriate jokes, or acting possessive—it may mean they have not fully moved on. Worse, if your partner allows this behavior to continue instead of setting boundaries, it could indicate that they enjoy the attention or are hesitant to completely close that chapter of their life. A healthy friendship with an ex should not involve mixed signals, lingering emotions, or disrespect toward your relationship.
8. They Keep Mementos or Gifts From Their Ex
It’s normal to have a few old photos from past relationships, but holding on to sentimental items—such as love letters, jewelry, or personal gifts—can suggest unresolved attachment. If your partner refuses to let go of certain keepsakes or becomes defensive when you ask about them, it may indicate that they still hold emotional value. Keeping small items for nostalgia is one thing, but if they frequently look at old photos or reminisce about their past relationship, it might mean they haven’t fully moved on.
9. They Defend Their Ex More Than They Defend You
If your partner consistently takes their ex’s side in arguments or seems more concerned about their ex’s feelings than yours, it could be a red flag. Loyalty in a relationship should be to the current partner, not a past one. If their ex causes drama, disrespects your relationship, or makes you uncomfortable, your partner should stand by you, not make excuses for their ex’s behavior. If they hesitate to set boundaries or always defend their ex, it may be a sign that they are prioritizing the wrong person.
10. They Seem Distracted or Emotionally Distant From You
If your partner is still emotionally attached to their ex, you may notice that they seem distant or less engaged in your relationship. They may be less affectionate, seem uninterested in deep conversations, or avoid discussing future plans with you. Emotional unavailability can sometimes mean that they are mentally or emotionally investing elsewhere, whether they realize it or not. A committed relationship requires both partners to be fully present and engaged, not distracted by lingering feelings for someone from the past.
What to Do If You Notice These Signs
If you recognize multiple warning signs, it’s important to address your concerns in a healthy and respectful way:
✅ Communicate Honestly: Express your feelings without accusations. Let your partner know why their behavior makes you uncomfortable.
✅ Set Boundaries: A respectful partner will understand your need for reasonable boundaries when it comes to their ex.
✅ Observe Their Response: A supportive partner will reassure you and make changes if necessary. If they dismiss your concerns or become defensive, it may indicate a deeper issue.
✅ Prioritize Your Emotional Well-Being: If their friendship with their ex is negatively affecting your peace of mind, you deserve to be in a relationship where you feel valued, secure, and respected.
Final Thoughts
Trust is the foundation of any strong relationship, but when a partner’s connection with their ex starts to interfere with your emotional security, it’s important to take notice. A truly committed partner will always prioritize your relationship over a past one and ensure that their actions reflect respect, honesty, and love. If their friendship with their ex is causing you stress, don’t ignore your instincts—have the conversation, set boundaries, and ensure that you’re in a relationship where you feel truly valued.
